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Keywords:

• I legitimately just had to leave work

Comment: because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.

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• I just went to cvs and bought condoms

Comment: handcuffs and a coloring book

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• So I said "fuck it"

Comment: and made myself a sandwich

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• I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass

Comment: at beer pong

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• I just wanna be naked

Comment: and go frolic in the snow

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• It’s like my vagina just knows

Comment: when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.

Keywords:

• Literally just took 6 shots in the showe

Comment: I've got this.

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• You followed me up the stairs

Comment: while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"

Keywords:

• So you're saying

Comment: that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno

Description: then proceed to punch them in the face?

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• Throwing my sister

Comment: a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever.

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• His dick is curly.

Comment: It's adorable.

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• You're having marijuana delivered to you

Comment: You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house.

Description: I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.

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• My uterus just tried to get me

Comment: to buy a tub of cookie dough

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• if wiping your ass w an envelope

Comment: isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom "

Description: then nothing is!

Keywords:

• Why is there bacon in the couch?